Sentence Structure Is So Important

The boss had to fire somebody and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Mary or Jack.. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.
Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Mary came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.
The boss approached her and said, "Mary, I've never done this before but I either have to lay you or Jack off."
"Could you jack off?" she says..... "I feel like shit."

(tx TB)